July- A Month of Reflection

I'm going to deter away from my typical child progression post for a moment and talk about my month of reflection.  It happened unexpectedly but has led to a much happier me... and ultimately to a much happier home. My reflection has progressed from our home tasks, how I want my children to portray themselves and ultimately how I portray myself; learning to accept my post baby body and live comfortably and confident in my skin.  Bear with me, this is a long post!

Being a stay at home parent is no easy task... it is trying, it is exhausting and sometimes unrewarding (on those days of testing from the moment we wake to the moment we shut our eyes again).  I will admit it, sometimes after the rough days I'd be tense the following day almost holding a grudge or holding yesterdays actions/bad behaviors against Lillian; a sense of fuel to the fire that didn't start the same day.   I knew from my teaching that each day was supposed to be a fresh start but I wasn't following it.  We needed a change, we needed to do something different... I was not enjoying my children in the way I hoped.  I know Lillian does much better with structure, with routine, with a schedule. She has been on one since she was a baby and Charlotte is on the same one; however, it was a bone structure of meal times and bed times, nothing else.  

In a mom group on Facebook, someone casually asked in a post how stay at home parents keep on top of all the chores.  I replied having a schedule and writing everything down helped.  My mother in law has been telling me to do one task a day to help cut down on the chores; however, I never followed it.  I came to realize I didn't have much of a schedule and often took Lillian out during the days so 1.) I didn't have to entertain her all day with activities every 15 minutes (I didn't have to lesson plan out our days.... I thought I still had more time before I had to embark on that journey) and 2.) Less time at home meant less mess (or so I thought).  Weekends were often spent running around all day long then being both too tired and too lazy to do the chores so Monday was a mad dash of catch up from the previous week or weekend.  I was unhappy with Greg feeling like Lillian picked up better than he did and I began feeling like I wanted to go back to work so I didn't spend my days trailing after people picking up messes!  In reality we all got lazy and comfortable with the messes accepting that's what kids do and that's what a "lived in" home was like.  Granted Lillian does pick up her toys and things were organized but there was still clutter..... counters were catch all places for items I'd take from Lillian throughout the day that she shouldn't have and there were piles of clutter scattered around.  After some time of the clutter I'd spend a couple days cleaning everything for it to just get messy again.  I was feeling like being a stay at home parent was a thank less job, spending my day giving to everyone else including our home and it was draining on me.  Lillian would ask me to play but I kept thinking of the mess I still had to do and in reality I feel like the headway I'd make was never very big and my child was thinking only daddy does fun things with her.  But back to the original Facebook post, I followed the additional comments for a day or two and came across a website called flylady.  I decided to look it up and it is a cleaning/organization website to help manage your home, to get it out of chaos as she called it.  I spent the evening browsing it and thought why not give it a try.  She has things broken down into only 15 min a day of de-cluttering and one habit a month.  I jumped right in and followed her plan each day, no catching up just doing the daily task and that was it.  

To my surprise each room was slowly becoming more organized, staying cleaner and seeming less chaotic.  From there I began thinking it doesn't help teach Lillian how to keep a clean and organized home if I'm the only one picking up things; in 15 minutes a day she wasn't really seeing what I was doing so I started including her in all my tasks even if it was just telling her what I was doing.  We began 15 min clean up time after dinner and everyone had a job.  Our habit for the month of July was swish ad swipe meaning you swish your toilet everyday and wipe down your mirrors, counter tops, toilets and floor everyday.  We do a load of laundry a day; having only a small load to put away is much more manageable than 2 weeks worth.  I jumped right in for whatever the task of the day was and only did it for 15 min then moved on to playing with Lillian.  After a month of following her website/plan we have a clean home, ready for the surprise guest at any time, a happy Mama who gets to spend more time enjoying her kids rather than cleaning, a hubby who helps out more (because 15 min isn't that long; I give him a task every couple days) which leads to a happier wife not feeling so unappreciated.  We now have a big calendar that is color coded with our activities/play-dates, meal plans, workouts and chores on it; each are color coded for easy reference.  We make our own cleaner which I feel safe letting Lillian use on her own and it also teaches Lillian how to clean up after herself on a much bigger scale than just putting her toys away (plus she likes doing it).  Now that I had my lists I knew I wanted to make Lillian some of her own routine charts but was having difficulty deciding on their appearance.  The teacher in me knew the importance of making sure it had words but it needed to be simple enough for her to understand.  After stumbling upon another great organizing website called. Iheartorganization I finally decided on a template.  

I brainstormed what routines/tasks Lillian could do on her own and at what times of the day I wanted he to complete each set of tasks.  A while back I introduced stop signs in our house for tasks she could do independently but that she had to stop and ask first rather than just doing it.  Those areas include: opening the front door, opening the fridge, pulling out games that are organized in a giant pocket chart on the back of her bed room door and touching Charlotte while she is in her crib.  Little STOP signs are posted at eye level in each of those areas and they signify, "Stop, Ask First".  I knew picture routines would be a big hit with Lillian.  I ended up coming up with the following: 

Morning tasks include: going potty (including putting on underware), making her bed, putting on sun lotion (a stop ask first), getting dressed, brushing our hair, eating breakfast, then brushing our teeth.  

Before Nap we: go potty, swish the potty with the toilet brush, make sure toys are put away then it's night night.  After we wake up we go potty again and remake our bed.  

Our bedtime routines are the lengthiest and include: 

Putting toys away, taking a bath or washing our face (I decided to include both thinking if we were out and there is no time for a bath then she won't throw a fit because she still completed the task), put on night lotion, put on pj's, hang up towel or make sure clothes are put in the dirty clothes basket, brush our hair, brush our teeth, swish and swipe the bathroom, pick out our clothes for tomorrow, read stories then lights out. 

We have a special one on the front door to accompany our stop sign to help remind us of things we can do before we leave the house and they include: 

going potty, getting shoes on, turning off lights and grabbing our backpack*

*From the IHeartOrganzing site, she has her children bring bags with them in the car and inside they contain items to entertain them while in the car or out at a restaurant.  Before I'd just put items in the diaper bag or sometimes I'd forget, this makes it easier and we will explore what is inside her backpack a bit later. 

I created a "launch pad" area via the flylady where we keep a packed diaper bag and Lillian's backpack. (Basically any item I need to grab right away for a day out; keeping them packed and stocked means I don't have to rush in the morning to make sure I got everything or possibly forgetting something in the rush to get out the door; they are just right there ready to go when I am!)  Also, giving Lillian routine charts has really lessened the amount of time I spend yelling at her to put on her shoes or to get ready risking being late somewhere.  She is held more accountable for her own tasks and we are helping her learn to be more independent.  (we have only been doing this for a few days but surprisingly it has worked wonders)  The other day she had completed all of  her "chores" and even had her backpack on saying she was ready to go before Greg even left for work, less than an hr after she got up!!!!!!!  My templates for my routine charts are pictured below.  I went to Staples and got them laminated front and back to keep them more durable and printed them on card stock.  They are hung on the bathroom door and she can easily see them and flip them over as she needs to.  

Onward to the backpack!  This by far has been a great idea and has SO saved my car from being a mess.  She takes it to and from the car every time we leave.  Inside she has:

A coloring book, a small drawing pad, a bag of crayons, a few books, her camera (yes it really does take pictures), her ABC cards, number cards, dinosaur cards (since we are into dinosaurs at the moment) and a few snapo blocks.  The cards I picked up at the dollar section at Target since they are gearing up for back to school and I hole punched them and put a ring through them to keep them together.  Depending on our outing I may let her throw in an animal or dinosaur toy to play with too.  I am thinking we will change out the books every week or two to give her more variety.  Before I did the backpack I'd just throw things in the diaper bag and she had books in the back of the car in a little organizer that hung near her seat that she could reach.  Ultimately books ended up all over the back seat, she'd bring more and more things from the house out to the car and it would never end up BACK in the house.  The backpack has fixed all that!  Surprisingly she really enjoys the coloring book, we have them at home and she isn't into them but when we are out it is her favorite choice (we even went to the dollar store and picked out a new one just for her backpack).  I think all in all she is enjoying her new routines, looks forward to them and enjoys the independence quite a bit.  

With the royal baby now here there has been much talk of Kate Middleton's post baby body; the media is unforgiving at times.  Anyway, with all that hype lately there have been many posts about body image and maybe considering I am still in the postpartum baby period too they are hitting me a bit harder than I expected.  There have been some wonderful, thought provoking articles of how to talk to your daughter about her body, how to give her a positive image of herself which had me pondering what DO  I want her to learn? We already talk about food, eating healthy, what foods are good for our bodies to help them grow, what foods are "treats" that if we eat too many of them are not good for our body but how do I prevent her from the struggles I faced being considered obese most of my life?  Going back to scheduling, I've been struggling/weighing pros and cons to working out during the day while she is up.  In one sense, she sees me active (although we also try to live an active lifestyle) working out but then it takes away from the already limited time we have to play and learn during the day.  So I have found a medium ground at the moment, I'm not working out as much as I'd like currently but she does join in.  I have been doing an Insanity/P90X hybrid (not too seriously as I'm still playing with schedules but have been able to commit to 3x per week).   I have weights and a yoga mat..... that was fun the first day I tried to do it while she was up!  We decided to get her a yoga mat to designate an area that is "safe" for her to be in if she wishes to join in without getting in my way, without getting hurt by my weights and to give her some boundaries.  We also picked up some dog toys that look like weights so she isn't trying to pick up my 8lb ones.  

 

I have begun talking with her about how adults have to find time to run around and be active since we don't do as much running, playing and jumping as kids do.  We have to keep our hearts healthy by exercise.  After reading the article on how to talk to your daughter about her body I realized I also need to be telling her I am working on making my body stronger.  I will say my weight has been a life long battle and some days I am just angry at my body.  I make sure she doesn't see my frustration those days and we do make it a point to walk around in our underware so we are all comfortable, or at least pretend to be comfortable in our own skins (I am probably the only one pretending) but it is hard.  It has been a year since I have switched over to a plant based diet and now 4 months postpartum and I'm only down 15 lbs.... I rarely eat meat, have given up most carbs and cheese and pretty much stick to a vegan diet.  I get frustrated with my slow progress thinking people who went on this diet lost a significant amount of weight, some the same amount if not more than they would have if they had received gastric bypass surgery.   I don't want to one day blurt something out of anger of my own body and have it negatively affect Lillian's image of both me and her own body.  I am trying to make peace by living a healthy active life and trying to accept my weight will fall where it may.  Although I haven't done it yet, I think posting some body affirmations on the mirror to read daily may help keep my perspective in check..... my body is strong as it carried life twice.  My body is nourishing a little baby with everything she needs. I think we all need some reminders of the wonderful temples our bodies are and how much they do for us other than appearance.  I need to stop thinking of my body and being angry at it for not looking the way I want and start loving it for all the things it has and still is capable of doing.  

EC Day 2

Day 1 of Elimination Communication (we will refer to it as EC from now on) was all about observing and learning patterns.  Day 2 we have successfully gone potty (only pee, she hasn't pooped today) while up and I have only changed 2 diapers today...... the first was the over night diaper so I don't really count that as a miss and the other I offered her to go potty before she went to bed and she didn't go so when she woke up she was slightly wet.  Her other nap times she woke up completely dry!  I am quite amazed by this whole process, I mean it makes sense in the simplest terms.  You watch your baby for cues whether that is knowing she goes within the first 5 minutes of waking, 20-30 minutes after breastfeeding or that she gets really still after being pretty active right before she has to pee.  With every cue you offer her to go.  Right now we are peeing in the sink because she enjoys looking at herself in the mirror, it relaxes her enough to go.  Every time I offer I ask, "do you need to pee pee?" and make a pssss sound or when she does pee pee I tell her, "You just pee peed, pssss."  Once she begins going on my cue, meaning when I say the words or sounds she goes, then we will try other places like the toilet.  I really don't know why I didn't think to do this sooner...... many indigenous countries do a similar technique but may not use words since this bodily function and means of training is just as second nature as our diapering.  I am quite enjoying this little challenge.  

I also learned Charlotte is ready to transition from a 3 hr feeding schedule to a 4 hour one.  She has begun staying up for longer periods of time, usually about an hr and a half stretches instead of her usual hour.  I have always woken her to feed her and only on occasion will she beat me to it.  I decided to reference my Baby Whisperer book and found 4 months is the time frame they can begin to make the shift and she will be 4 months in a week and a half.  This week I feel has been many little milestones for Charlotte.  She has discovered her hands and feet (actually she likes being held in the position to potty because her feet are closer to her and she gets to touch them..... I forgot how funny it is to see a baby in a daze over their feet).  She is also recently into toys, grabbing, pulling, touching and putting them in her mouth.  I also think we will need to move to the velcro swaddles for night time as she has begun rolling onto her side often unwrapping part of her blanket....... I know she enjoys sucking on her hands and she has been doing it more and more.  Charlotte is beginning to sit up on her own if in the boppy for support.  Granted, she can't do it for long periods of time but she is starting :)  If nothing else, my observation times for EC the past couple days have helped me observe Charlotte's milestones.  When she was in a diaper I was more apt to feed her and lay her in her bed then go help Lillian with whatever she needed instead of watching or observing her to the same extent I did when Lillian was a baby.  

During one of Charlotte's naps today, Lillian and I scrolled through old pictures when she was a baby....... people tell me all the time they look alike and I see it every once in a while but looking at old pictures there is no doubt! Some look like the same baby!  Below is Charlotte at 3 months and Lillian at 5 months. 

DINOSAURS!

If you didn't already know Lillian is big into dinosaurs these days.... dinosaurs and trains and even better the show the Dinosaur Train! I decided for her birthday the theme is creative play so I am making dinosaur tails, hats and wings for the kids to play with.  So far I have a stegosaurus tail and pteranodon wings.  We did make clothespin pteranodon one day and I may set up some materials for kids to make their own to take home at her party........ kind of can't believe I am already planning for October but with so many sewing projects I have to start early!

SD Fair

Lillian LOVED the fair this year.... she got to participate in games and rides this year so I think that's why she enjoyed it so much.  Unfortunately she was just an inch too short to ride most of the kiddie rides; she still got to ride four and she was more than please with those!  When we do the fair we get the passes where you can return any of the 24 days for the price of a 2 day admission then we review all the concerts and some days just go for the entertainment.  Greg and I enjoyed the concerts including Joan Jett and the Beach Boys this year but I can't say Lillian was all that trilled..... mainly because she saw kids running around (kids much older than her) and she wanted to join them. 

My Lastest Venture: Elimination Communication- Day 1

I have decided to do elimination communication with Charlotte.  Basically it is beginning infant potty training.  Just as I did with Lillian I offered her to go every 20 min after a feeding and have been keeping a log of when she pees and poops, what times, what signals she makes and when she ate.  I have found she pees  within the first 5 min of waking up and every 20-30 min after she eats.  We will be associating a sound with each.  Today I offered her to go when I thought she'd need to (along with other times too) but I was able to "catch" both poop and pee a total of 4 times today!  (We started this at 10:30 today)  The goal for today was observation and to start my log to get a sense of a pattern.  When I think she has to go I basically hold her against my chest facing outward and cradle under her legs so she is in a more sitting position.  She has been diaper free the whole day when she's up and then we put one on again when she goes to sleep.  The goal is she will learn to associate the sound I make with each and then go when I make the sound.  I figured if I am taking Lillian to the potty it wouldn't hurt to teach Charlotte too and if it works great! less diapers for me, if not that's ok too.  I also learned Charlotte can roll over on her side.  I have found her like that when I go to get her in bed :) 

I should also mention Elimination Communication (EC) is not letting your baby run around diaper free all day and never using a diaper just as you wouldn't have a potty training toddler go without under ware.  Since we are still in the beginning phases I do have Charlotte in just a t shirt without a diaper on either my waterproof changing pad with a receiving blanket over it or on a puppy pad.  I am still learning her "cues" and signals of when she has to go so accidents are more likely to happen right now, again you'd have the same issue with a potty training toddler.  I started Lillian early on and although it took her a long time to fully be potty trained, she was trained a lot sooner than other kids and I didn't have to change a poppy diaper very often after she turned a yr unless we had an accident.  I am basically doing the same process with Charlotte, observing signals and cues she gives when she has to go and then offering her opportunities to go.  It will help her learn what it feels like to be dry.  The struggle I'm having right now with Lillian is still night time or nap time wetness.  We did just buy a mattress pad and if she has finished her milk early enough during lunch where I know we can get most/all pee pee out before nap time then she will nap in under wear and has done it successfully a few times.  I am enjoying tackling both these challenges and it leads to less diapers for me to change! So win win in my opinion :)

Lillian's recent accomplistments

Often times Lillian's accomplishments tend to fall by the waste-side in a sense because she grows and changes so much that by the time I actually sit down to write a blog entry I have forgotten all the little accomplishments along the way.  I'm going to make it a weekly effort (and a daily effort for my own journaling) to update the blog to share everything she is learning and doing.  We have been staying home more trying to get more used to our routines and schedules we have been putting in place with cleaning and school like activities.  Letters are not a new concept for Lillian and Bingo is not really new either but I slowed down in our game today and made some new discoveries.  Normally I read out each letter but today as I was getting ready to she excitedly blurted it out faster than me.  I decided to ask her what each letter was on her card and I'd ask her which letter was on the card as I flipped over new ones.  To my surprise she new most of them! Even out of order!  We also got to talk about ones that look similar since she'd say W for M and P for B and D (common mistakes due to the similarity of shape especially in the lowercase letters).  I knew she new some of the letters but not nearly as many as she told me.  Today Lillian reminded me to slow down and let her take the lead more before I jump in. 

3 Months old

It's hard to believe Miss Charlotte has already been in our lives for 3 months!  Well sometimes it seems like I just had her yesterday and other days it feels like we've had her around forever.  She is blossoming into quite a talker..... mostly to me but that's ok!  Actually she seems to talk to other people too but they never slow down enough to listen.  It just melts my heart when she will talk or smile at Lillian..... and Lillian doesn't even realize how special it is.  Charlotte has been getting stronger every day as she learns to lift her head and recently I have walked into her room to find her rolled onto her side.  

In other news, Lillian is a great big sister!  She asks to touch the baby everyday and when I do leave the two of them alone I can often find them cuddled on the floor together with Lillian practically laying on her.  The other day I walked in on a "tea party" and Lillian really enjoys "feeding" baby Charlotte.  I had a bit of a proud moment when she decided to breastfeed her baby Lucy doll.  

Since our trip to Northern California, Lillian has been speaking in full sentences; yes I realize she was doing it before but she had greatly improved!  She can actually have a full conversation without much translation needed.  As she is becoming even more independent we have had to put new rules in place, especially when it comes to the baby.  The most effective so far is our stop signs.  They have been placed on the front door, the fridge, Charlotte's bed and a pocket chart with crafts/games on the back of their bedroom door.  The signs were posted at eye level and they mean, "stop, ask first".  The idea came when we were woken up by the sound of her unlocking and opening the front door!  Now even if we are leaving the house she sees the sign and stops and asks.  She has become quite the little helper.  

Grocery shopping has become a new fun venture.... she has a little mini clipboard and we make picture lists of items we need to get.  She walks next to the cart holding a handle and we get things off her list then she colors in the picture.  She really is learning quite a bit even on those trips and we often review numbers and we count how many of each item we are getting as we put it in the produce bag.  Looks like I'm going to need to start lesson planning our days more providing more preschool curriculum.